Why You Keep Trying to Earn Love
When You Keep Trying to Carve a Man Into Someone Who Can Feel You
There’s a kind of grief no one brings flowers for.
The kind that shows up in the quiet moments,
when your partner is in the room—
but your soul is starving.
When you keep reaching across a chasm
he doesn’t even notice.
And still, you try.
You stay.
You soften your voice. You hold back your truth.
You shape yourself smaller and smaller,
hoping he’ll finally look up
and see you.
But you can’t carve life into cold wood.
🪚 The Marriage That Felt Like a Workshop
You weren’t in love.
You were in labor.
You became the sculptor,
measuring every word,
chiseling your needs into silence.
You offered devotion.
You gave him sex when your body screamed no.
You swallowed your own loneliness
to spare his discomfort.
You called it love.
But it was a one-woman resurrection attempt.
Because your truth was too painful to say out loud:
He was never really there.
🧸 You Were Married to a Doll
He mimicked presence.
He mirrored charm.
But when it mattered—when you were unraveling—
he just stood there.
Motionless.
Blinking.
Unmoved.
He didn’t pull you close when you cried.
He didn’t notice when you pulled away.
He touched your shoulder like a man following instructions.
You were loving a puppet.
A polished exterior, hollow inside.
🧠 Why You Keep Trying to Earn Love
You know it wasn’t real love.
But your nervous system doesn’t.
It still scans the past for signs.
Still aches for a different ending.
Still wonders what more you could have done.
And deep down, you still feel like it was your fault.
That you should’ve been better. Softer. Less. More.
But here’s the truth:
💔 Five Reasons You Learned to Work for Love
- You were praised for being easy, not real.
Your needs were called “too much,” so you buried them to keep the peace. - Love meant earning, not receiving.
Affection was conditional. You learned to perform for crumbs of connection. - Caretaking became your safety.
You stayed hyper-attuned to others’ moods, abandoning your own. - You confused chemistry with chasing.
The familiar ache of not being seen felt like home. - You hoped if you could fix him, you’d finally be enough.
So you kept sculpting—believing your worth was hidden in the outcome.
None of that was love.
It was survival.
🕊️ You don’t have to keep doing this alone.
Therapy is where you can begin unlearning the survival patterns that kept you chasing. Let’s help your nervous system discover what love without fear feels like.
👉 Schedule a session with me
🌿 What Real Love Actually Feels Like
Real love doesn’t ask you to vanish.
It makes room for your voice.
It doesn’t come only when you’re pleasing.
It stays when you’re messy.
It doesn’t demand your sacrifice.
It offers you rest.
Real love doesn’t feel like performance.
It feels like peace.
At first, you might not trust it.
You might even reject it.
But your body remembers what truth feels like.
And it’s waiting for you to come home.
🕊️ You Don’t Have to Keep Sculpting
Therapy is where you stop carving yourself into a shape that fits someone else’s void.
It’s where you reclaim your softness without apology.
It’s where your ache gets witnessed—not dismissed.
It’s where your nervous system learns what safety feels like—for real.
If you’re tired of loving people who can’t love you back,
I’d be honored to walk with you
as you remember how to love yourself first.
💻 Schedule a session with me here
🧠 Offering trauma-informed therapy in Reno and via telehealth across Nevada
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Real Love vs. Survival Love
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